


Everything You Do and Say and Are

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds, Spencer Reid - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Reader-Insert, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-16 14:52:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10573554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	

“Ready to go?” Spencer asked, snapping you out of the daze you’d been in for the last 10 minutes. “We’re gonna miss our reservation if we don’t leave now.”

For the last few days, you’d been in a funk. The kind with no explanation that drove you crazy because it seemingly had no explanation, but there was normally something behind it, you just couldn’t place it. “Yea,” you replied, reaching your hand out for his and walking down the stairs. 

The restaurant where you had your reservation wasn’t that far from your apartment, so you decided to walk there. As you passed by others on the street, you realized what it was that had been bothering you for the past couple of days. It was you. People kept staring at you with him. Others’ glances file between you - looks of disdain in your direction and gazes of pity toward him. They were thinking what you’d been afraid of since you started dating him. That you weren’t good enough for him; apparently, others had felt it too. 

Since you were a child, you’d felt average. Not the worst, but never quite enough. Growing up, you watched as all the boys you liked went out with the popular girls, leaving you to wonder what might have been if you looked like them - always yearning to be someone else. 

Then you started college, and you met so many people, men and women, just like yourself, and finally you started to feel comfortable with who you were. It was just after college that you’d met Spencer. After graduating with a degree you loved that opened up next to no opportunities for jobs, you started a couple of minimum wage jobs to make ends meet. Spencer had walked into one of them. Amazingly, he asked you out just a week later, and ever since, you’d been together. When you were with him, you felt amazing, but on rare occasions, those nagging thoughts in the back of your mind snuck their way back up to the forefront to knock on the exit door of your brain. 

Without realizing it, you’d walked into the restaurant. Somehow the thoughts that plagued you had clouded your mind until now and suddenly you clicked back into your life. “What’s wrong?” Spencer asked.

“Nothing,” you said. “Why would you think something’s wrong?”

Whenever you’re sad or mad, you sigh more than you normally do. I counted,” he said. Of course, he’d counted. “On our way down the block, you sighed a total of 8 times. Plus once in here. Nine deep sighs. Something is wrong. Please tell me.”

As you pulled out your chair and sat down, the waiter approached your table, so you waited until he took your orders to tell Spencer what was going on. It had been more than a year since you’d started dating, and he cared enough to ask; he deserved your truthful answer. “I’ve just been feeling like I’m not good enough lately,” you started, feeling the full breadth of your recent emotions about to spill out of you. “I told you about what I was like as a kid and how I got looked over all the time - like I was invisible, well, those feelings have been coming back over the past couple days. I just have to wait for them to go away.”

“I know how you feel,” he said. In a way he did, but in ways the way he’d suffered as a child had been worse, and in other ways better. He got made fun of, but in your head, he got made fun of because his bullies realized that Spencer was better than they were and were insecure in themselves. When it came to your grade school and high school experiences, you were just walked over, as if you weren’t even there. “In a way, I guess.”

“Yea. In a way you do,” you said, reaching for his hand underneath the table. “But now you have this amazing job, you’re a genius, you’re simultaneously cute and hot and I don’t know how that’s even possible. When we walk down the street, people look between us, like I don’t deserve you.”

Apparently, he’d never noticed that before. You wouldn’t really expect him to; he didn’t tend to pick up on social cues that well. His lip curled upward, a look of confusion and disgust painting his face. “I don’t say this that often, but fuck anyone who thinks we don’t belong together.”

It wasn’t often you heard him curse. “I’m serious,” he said, his voice elevating slightly as the waiter came over with your drinks. “We’re made for each other.” Your heart caught in your throat. He’d said he loved you before, but this was something else all together. “When I saw you last year, I knew I could love you, but I never knew I’d feel the way I do now.”

“How is that?” you asked, feeling the need for his words to wash over you and make everything else go away. 

“I have completely, 100% fallen for you. Everything you do and say and are, I love. The way your hair gets messed up when you sleep. The little snort you make whenever something really makes you laugh. The way you’ll pull out the last dollar in your wallet to give to a homeless person on the street. Everything you do is amazing to me,” he said, his eyes never breaking from yours. The tears began to swell as he continued. “You’re the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning, and your face is what I see when I go to sleep at night. You’re everything to me.”

Crying was not what you wanted to do in the middle of the restaurant, but his words brought down your walls. They made you believe that no matter what you thought of yourself, he loved you all the same. “You’re an amazing woman. I don’t know what you see when you look in the mirror or when you close your eyes, but I only see beautiful and strong.”

“Strong?” you said stunned, wiping the tears from your eyes. You didn’t feel strong. He’d called you beautiful before - sometimes you believed it, sometimes you didn’t - but you’d never heard him call you strong. 

As he swallowed the lump in his throat, you fingers grazed over the palm of his hand. “Yes, strong. Strength doesn’t mean not crying, it means crying, picking up the pieces and continuing to fight. You’re the strongest woman I know.”


End file.
